June 2010


I think I weigh 185-190 pounds.

I think.

I don’t want to weigh myself and I don’t know when I will be able to get to a weigh-in.

It’s upsetting.

I’ve been eating what I want. Eating whatever I want.

And I’m gaining.

My clothes are tight. I feel fat.

I need to get it together.

Does anyone know how much a person can physically gain in a week?

Well, the Vermont trip was great, but now it’s back to reality.

I begged PC for another day in the serenity that was the great outdoors, but alas, we are now home.

We had a great time in Vermont though. Hopefully I will have some pictures to show you later on in the week.

We traveled up to Vermont this past Wednesday, leaving the house at 5:48 AM and reaching Stowe to pick up a friend’s bike at 3 PM on the nose. We then ate some dinner (crab cake sandwich with chipotle aioli and fries) at Charlie B’s Pub in Stowe. Eating here is now a tradition. It’s pretty good food with a pretty hefty price if you ask me. Anyway, after dinner we left to set up camp.

Rob and PC started the tradition of going to VT to mountain bike three years ago. I tagged along last year and Rob’s wife and a friend of the boy’s, Mike, joined us this year. Having another “lady” around was awesome!

So, we camped. And then PC and I took off to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin before my cousin came down to stay in PA for the next month. We didn’t know it, but about 20 people were at my aunt and uncle’s house. When we got there they all packed up into cars and headed for ice cream in Georgia. My uncle told us later that the ice cream for 11 people was only $23! WOW! Sign me up! And they were big portions!

Once we got back to camp, Kevin and I got ready for bed and hung out with the others by the campfire. It was pretty nice.

Thursday ended up being rainy so we headed over to Waterbury to tour the Ben & Jerry’s factory. I love, love, LOVE tours like this. I’ve been there at least four times, but it never gets old to me. The others weren’t nearly as excited as I was. AND… there are samples at the end. We tried Boston Cream Pie. It was heavenly. I might have a new favorite!

After the tour, we packed back up into the car and headed to New Hampshire. We visited the town of Littleton and had lunch. Then we walked to Chutter’s General Store and got some candy. I mean really, it has the world’s longest candy counter! (According to Guinness Book of World Records).

Chutters Candy

Source: chutters.com

So, after that, we drove to Cannon Mountain and took the aerial tramway to the top. They weather was pretty crappy, but as we hiked around the summit, the clouds cleared and we were able to see some amazing views of the mountains and lake. On the way back down the mountain, we even saw a bear. It was pretty cool.Cannon Mountain Aerial Tramway - Yellow Car

Source: cannonmt.com

We then were planning to hike at Flume Gorge but ran out of time and visited the Ski Museum instead. We saw Bode Miller’s Olympic Medals! It was pretty exciting.

We then headed back to camp in the rain to make dinner. YAY! RAIN!

I hate camping in the rain. All of my stuff is wet. It’s miserable cooking in the rain. UGH.

Friday, Christy and I headed into Burlington while the boys went riding at Kingdom Trails. Our first stop was Lake Champlain Chocolates for a factory tour. (I told you! I love these!) It was an absolutely delicious experience and FREE! They give you tons of samples. I definitely was not hungry for lunch.

We then headed to center city Burlington and toured the shops, picked up more wine, enjoyed Church Street, and had some lunch at Bueno Y Sano. It was pretty fun.

We then got back to camp and PC and I went swimming. We ended up leaving the group and eating dinner at The Bees Knees. It was absolutely delicious and they had live jazzy music. I loved it. And I enjoyed spending time with my love since I’ll be moving away from him in a couple of days.

Saturday, Christy and I headed to Boyden Valley Winery to meet up with my Aunt and have a wine tasting along with the “French Gourmet”. The French Gourmet was written up as:

Relax and enjoy the ambiance of our restored carriage barn or on our outdoor terrace overlooking one of our vineyards while you savor our “French Gourmet”. The experience includes: five different types of cheese, bread, grapes, specialty meat, a chocolate, and a glass of wine of your choice.

glogg

It was pretty delicious if I must say. I chose the cranberry wine to accompany my “meal” and it was amazing. My uncle was even able to meet up with us and enjoy a glass of wine.

Of course it was still raining, so plans eventually changed from going to Flume Gorge to pretty much doing nothing. Eventually Rob, Christy and Mike took off without saying anything and PC and I headed to Stowe to eat dinner with my aunt and uncle. We had a fabulous dinner and a great time visiting. We are even planning to come up before Halloween to use our Flume Gorge tickets.

We headed home yesterday and I slept the vast majority of the ride. I was simply exhausted from everything.

Today I began packing as I leave tomorrow for my BIG MOVE to Maryland to start my new job next Tuesday. Yikes! How is it almost July already!?!

As of tonight, PC and some friends of ours are heading to Vermont to spend the next 5 days enjoying the splendors of the wilderness. We will be camping (at a campground with a pool, hot tub (for adults only!), a park, a pool table, a pretty sweet lodge, and over 100 flavors of soft serve ice cream!

I’m all about everything… except the soft serve.

Give me chocolate and vanilla swirl soft serve, but who really needs all the wacky flavors? Really people?

On the other hand, Ben & Jerry’s has totally made the “to-do” list for the second year in a row. There is just something about the factory tour and the sweet deliciousness of Ben & Jerry’s that I love.

Other than that, I’m looking forward to a wine tasting at one of the local wineries. They have a special where you can get wine and cheese and the “french” experience. Should be fun!

Look for me next week as I won’t be near my computer until at least Sunday night!

Have a great week!

Next week: The BIG move to Maryland!

I used to love looking up inspirational quotes and writing them in my daisy covered journal. I called it my “inspiration journal” and would dig it out when I needed the right words to say how I was feeling or if I needed hope or inspiration during a tough time. I pasted notes that were written to me at key points in my life, reminding me that I have come far and that I have done a great deal of good with my life up to this point.

I loved that I could collect the words of others and they would speak to me on such a deep level that something inside my heart was stirred.

I woke up early this morning and was watching Roseanne. I haven’t seen reruns on the show in quite some time, but this morning they were showing the last episode where Roseanne reveals how she wrote her story and all the parts that were omitted or changed from the truth. It was a very moving episode, and shocking for the first-time viewer.

Roseanne has a monologue during this episode and at the end she says:

But the more I wrote, the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices I made, and that was the real jackpot. I learned that dreams don’t work without action; I learned that no one could stop me but me. I learned that love is stronger than hate. And most important, I learned that God does exist.

The bolded quote really stuck with me this morning and I had to google the episode to find the exact wording.

Dreams, be they skydiving, a dream job, a run around the block, a new personal record, a skateboard, and even my weight loss, are nothing more than dreams if I don’t put the action behind them. Dreams require action and energy. They require a plan in order to reach.

No one can stop me except for me in the quest to reach my dreams. If they do stop me, I am letting them stop me. I am letting them win. Heaven knows, I want to reach my dreams and cross that ribbon. I will win at my weight loss.

And when I do, it won’t be a dream anymore.

But I’ll still be putting the plan into “action”, keeping my dream alive.

That’s my weight for the week, folks.

Up another 2 from my four pound gain last week.

As mentioned in my previous post, I’m struggling. Hard core-like too.

And I’m eating Kraft Mac and Cheese for dinner. WOoooHOooo. I’m eating all 14 points worth of it too!

I have 13 left for the day and have gotten in the vast majority of my GHG’s. I think I deserve it after the day I’ve been having.

I was able to set up 3 or 4 appointments to see apartments on Monday, but spent the entire day (minus my time to weigh-in) trying to fill out forms for my new job. They are trying to do a background check and are asking for SEVEN contacts from when I was in undergrad and grad school AND they must still live in the area. Really? How many people do you know from your first year of undergrad who still live in the area you went to school in? Ummm…. none?

I filled it out as best I could, but evidently, that’s not good enough. So, I’ve been stressing over that today and even cried on two occasions. My poor father got the backlash from me twice. And poor PC walked into a firestorm when he got home too.

Ugh.

I’m so ready for vacation next week.

Also, I talked to my meeting leader about the troubles I’ve been having of late. I told her that I wanted to give up and everything that I’ve mentioned in my previous posts. She was very encouraging and told me that I’ve been doing great. She also told me how much she likes when I contribute to meeting discussions and that I sold more people on Simply Filling than she ever could have. She made me smile and helped me to believe that I can do this.

As stated in my last post, I’ve been feeling pretty down lately. I don’t usually post on the boards about how I’m struggling as I feel like I should know by now (after 2+ years of WW) that I should just pick myself up and move on.

But I did.

My original post stated:

I feel like…I can’t go on.

I’ve been doing WW for over 2 years. I have never been this out of control.

I don’t think I can keep losing weight. I don’t think I can keep working the program. I don’t know where to go from here.

I feel like I’m never going to reach my goal.

In the last two years, I’ve never felt this out of control. I’m binge eating and I can’t seem to find the place in me that used to care. Now I feel awful about my body and despite working out like a crazy person, I’m eating myself out of house and home.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can pick myself up out of this.

I am so incredibly thankful for the support I received on the boards. It gave me a lot to think about and I am going to post the responses I received so that I can look back at them and remember why I am doing this, why I am still in this fight.

Thanks again, ladies! You’re the best!

If it is something you really want you have to continue to work for it. You have to really really want to reach your goal. Maybe look into why you binge eat. Are you depriving yourself of certain foods? Start fresh today. Everyday that you blow the plan off is another day further from your goal.

Maybe you should talk to your meeting leader about what changes you can make to make the plan more livable for you. Don’t give up you’ve come so far, your stats are great!

I would reach out for as much support as possible. Meeting leader, other members at your meetings, anyone who is willing to listen. You are not alone. We are all here together and have all been where you are. This might seem cheesy, but have you ever watched The Biggest Loser? Those people are amazing and achieve so much, physically and mentally. I often reflect back on these people to give me support and to boost the realization that I CAN do this.

Take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with loving people. You can do this. Anything worth doing isn’t going to be easy! Good luck!

I’ve often felt the same way, and I’ve got so long to go before goal. But I really want this for myself and my family, so it’s really important. Losing weight, just like anything else, will work if you really want to. I agree that you should talk to your leader, they may be able to help you. Personally, when I have a bad day or two, or week, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start fresh because I really, really want this.

Agree with the others… but also look at how far you’ve come! You are well over half way there. Start fresh, right now, and don’t look back.

I think each of the posts has something worthwhile to remember in it. Mostly, I am not alone. No matter what I think.

I can do this!

Thanks for the support ladies!

I just feel so alone right now in this journey. I want to be healthy (I even wrote out a list of over 40 personal benefits to losing weight!), but I feel stuck.

I honestly want to pick myself up and scream “get with it!!!” all the time.

I know 90% of my eating is emotional. I know I’m doing it to make myself “feel better”. I’m having a hard time coping with a lot of things in my life right now.

Thanks again! It helps to know that I’m not alone.

I love the 20’s board!

PC and I don’t have a dinner menu this week.

Why?

We (or at least just me) are moving in three weeks and both of us are going on vacation next week, so we have decided to try to eat up what we have in the house. We spent like $15 on staples such as milk, eggs, and bread, but nothing crazy. We have pasta and sausage and chicken and pork in the house. Let’s eat it up, folks!

I’ve been feeling very down lately and eating myself out of house and home. The stress is really getting to me and I have no idea how to handle all the changes in my life. I still have not lined up somewhere to live, nor do I know how I’m going to come up with the remainder of the $$$ I need to get everything settled. A BIG thank you to my awesome grandparents who lent me a good amount of the money I need. They are amazing and I am so thankful.

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